the farmer’s daughter

Not  recipe.  I am just eating it and it is damn good.  I always mean to have a recipe blog going.  Maybe I just need to add more facets to this blog.  Maybe, maybe not.  Maybe I need to spend less time on this lovely macbook- the macbook has changed me, I think.

So today it should rain. The tot and I do need to step out and get a couple of things done.  I think I need bread and if you think I am one of those foodies who makes her own bread you would be wrong.  I do make bread: about twice a year.  I like to do, but I don’t want to have to do it when there are many fine bakeries in the area who need the revenue and make the bread very well.

I will not be making bread today.  Today I will probably be reading while my son runs circles around me.  We have a tent to pitch inside and that is usually how things end up- me: lying on my stomach reading in the places he directs me to sit.  He is very big on control these days.  I don’t really mind so much.  We also have file box of animal fact cards to sift through.  I am sure I will end up with animal cards all over the place, but that is a risk I am willing to take.

Do I have news? I probably do, this is the year of sickness and death after all.  I have been slightly superstitious about talking about it.  I probably know better than to be superstitious but on the off chance that there is anything to it I will maintain a bit of reverence about recent bad luck.  I mean, I have lost a couple of family members, my mom has cancer, and couple of my friends have had some interesting blows- that is enough for now, right?

So speaking of friends and bad luck, etc: I was asked to go see a psychic/metaphysical practitioner of some sort in the area.  I think he runs like a school or something around here- they advertise on the Sci-Fi network or something.  A lovely person I know wants me to go, too and see how this person sorts things out, etc, etc.  I kind of said ‘no’.  Again, my weird reverence for fate.  I don’t want to be trifled with by scam artists nor do I actually want to know anything if indeed a person is capable of knowing.  Why hear the bad news now?  Let me live like I have 50 healthy productive years for goodness sake.  Its not like I am looking for love and the question of how many children I will have when I grow up has pretty much been answered.  Money?  Well, whatever.  I think I have figured out the secret to financial fortune: save, suffer, work too hard.  The people who come into money the lucky way are few and probably lose it pretty fast.

I am such a downer!  Anyway, I went to see a psychic once before.  I had this roommate one summer in college who was a member of some strange group.  I don’t remember exactly what they believed in but they did psychic readings (and slept outside naked and performed rituals that involved killing small furry things in the basement, I kid you not.  I think the guy teaches high school French in the mid-west now.).  I had a reading done and it was eerily dead on…. at the time.  I was told that I would end up marrying a man whose name began and ended with a vowel.  At the time I had just got out of a relationship with on and had some messy tryst with another man who both had names that began and ended with vowels!!! How could they tell?  The thing is?  I didn’t marry either of them!! I married JOE, Joseph, to be exact.  Maybe my roommie gave the guy a few pointers.  The psychic went on about a few more things that were on the mark: a dead relative had left me something that I didn’t know about (unfortunately it turned out to be camp furniture), I would have financial difficulties in the next few years (not hard to see if he had known that I had just maxed out three credit cards and had gone through a seriously expensive break-up), and that I should lay off the booze, etc (I was 21).  I don’t know.  Pretty easy target to hit.

Not that I don’t think that there are people who know things.  I was kind of shocked by that “America’s Psychic Challenge” show.  I saw it at 2a.m. at work with a couple of drunk guests.

How did I get on to this topic?  Oh yeah, I don’t know if I want to see a psychic…. not so much because I am a kill-joy skeptic, more because I don’t want to hear bad news… and maybe partially because I am really not in the mood to be toyed with these days.  If someone thinks they have something important to tell me they should tell me out of the kindness of their heart (if it is seriously important).  Sorry pal!

What else… I am babysitting tonight.  It has been a long time since I watched a child that is not my own!  Being a mom every day I don’t think I will be out of practice, right?

It is not as miserable outside as I thought it would be.  I suppose I will take a shower and put on some not pajama-esque clothing and take the child for a walk.  Maybe we can go eat something I will have to burn off later.  That sounds fun.

Oh wait, I already had cilantro hummus for breakfast!!!

This is my second attempt at an entry in the past few hours. I wrote a really nutso one about an hour or so and ended up deleting it. To summarize: a detailed story about a random week a few years ago. I haven’t had much sleep at all, I tend to start reminiscing very vividly as I listen to my mp3 player. Some weekends it is wise to stay away from music altogether. Weekends like this it is very possible certain songs will put me over the edge one way or another: I could opt to dress up and dance all over the place or curl up in a ball and cry for some stupid injustice the world heaped on me a few years ago.

So it is raining.  I am laying across my bed in front of my lap top and my son keeps coming in and dancing on my kidneys.  I had pictures to post of my night out on the town with my lovely man but there is something messed up with the images on wordpress today.  I could sleep but I have this notion that if I stay awake for another hour I can enjoy a glass of wine out on the deck in the rain… lovely, right?  Lovelier than falling asleep in front of a syndicated episode of “Two and a Half Men” or some infomercial about a sandwich press.  I mean, I could have wine now, I could not turn on the television… but… its complicated and I don’t feel like explaining.

It occurred to me a moment ago that I have no idea what I am doing this week.  Last week was quite full.  I haven’t even grocery shopped or put away the laundry.  Its a blank week!!! I think I am babysitting for friends (we worked out a baby sitting exchange… we trade out one adult every few weeks to watch a tot for free so we can enjoy something like adult couple life out-of-the-house sort of things), I, uh… yeah.

I don’t even know what the weather is supposed to be like this week.  I haven’t even checked up on the weather!! That is not like me.  I am listening to Tom Waits.  I don’t know what prompted that.  It is making me feel a million times more tired.  My head seems to be made of lead.

I just need to make it to that glass of wine.  That is why I am writing here.  I am filling in time with clickety-clacking at my computer.  It will stop me from getting sentimental.

I was seeing little dark shadows darting around in the kitchen!  Next week will be different…. next week will be different!

Yes, these are the choices presented to me in the breakroom tonight.  I usually bring sushi with me but I decided to save a little cash and see what I could scavange.  Looks grim. 

I am at work!!! Yes, every other entry seems to be trudging away in the middle of the night.  That is alright, right?  Last night was a DISMAL DISASTER of a shift.  Power outage?  Major appliances broken? Internet offline? Just about everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong.  I am looking forward to smooth sailing tonight.  I don’ t know: listen to some podcasts while I tidy up and look congenial.  I love nights like this.  Well, I would rather sleep, to be honest-

I was supposed to get this fabulous day of peace and sleep today but for some reason (and I imagine this can’t actually be what she was doing) my neighbor decided to do something that sounded a lot like tossing bowling balls down the stairs.  She also locked herself out a few times and rang the doorbell repeatedly.  My day of sleep turned into a day of tossing and turning in front of a losing Red Sox game. 

My mother was with us for the week.  It went very well.  My son worships the woman.  Seriously, he acts on her every whim.  Every whim that does not involve the potty chair.  My mom was here and we got to go on a date!  Crazy!  We never leave the house alone, together! Never!   We did this in two parts: first fancy little Italian restaurant, next: beer and music.  Fun!  Too bad it was so humid. 

Suddenly I am out of things to say.  Suddenly I feel like I must cut this short and get back to work!!!!  People need directions to where they can buy some last minute beer! 

Good night!

My mother is coming tomorrow and will be staying with us for the rest of the week.  Too bad I have been so distracted at the beach… uhm… I meant to get things done over a reasonable period of time.  It looks like I will be getting a lot of things done today.  I really want the woman to believe in the lemon fresh, public radio (well, I actually do have public radio on most of the time I am home lately) listening, sparkling, and well organized show I plan to put on for her.  It’s not really a show- it is just how things would be in here if: 1) I didn’t work any overnight shifts, 2) we didn’t have thing to do outside of the house (uhm: beaches, playgrounds, ‘the coffee store’, etc) 3) we didn’t have a three-year old.

Whatever.  I think my mom knows that my stove-top usually has a little evidence of the last meal cooked on it.  Its not like I have dishes piled in the sink or anything.

Hmm.  As I write this the day is starting a little more quickly than I had anticipated.  My husband is no longer swearing at the hot water in the shower and my son is no longer singing about Halloween (its always a good time of year to do that, right?).  I suppose I need to stop hear and get the little person to the park so I can come back and put a spit shine on this old place.

Oh yeah, pics of the beach (poor quality because they are from my phone) where we have been spending all of our free time.  Yes!

This

A blog of a third-shifter who found my blog!!  I am not the only one click-clacking away in the dark pondering how it is that I am doing what I do.

!!!!

Sleep~~ I need it!!! I keep kind of staring off for a minute or five or ten and not even realizing it.  I am at work, dammit!! I need my edge back.   I keep thinking “maybe I will watch the television in the lobby for a second”, or “maybe I will sit here for a second or something”.  Yeah.  I have stuff to do.  This entry is probably not making any sense at all, is it?  Why do I update?  I guess it is interesting to leave a little trail of words behind me as I trudge from week to week.  It is (very mildly) amusing to look back and see how time has passed, correct?

I can’t wait to sleep in the morning!! I can’t stop thinking about it.  I will go home- drink a GIANT GLASS OF WATER (I always start there), turn on the fan in my room, close the drapes, stick something in the dvd player with the commentary on and just let it happen.  I think I will wake up, eat a snack, go to the beach… AH.  Come home… make strawberry shortcake? Play with the Joes big and small, put the little one to bed and have a lovely tequila-y drink- watch a movie?  Sundays are heavenly, I think.

I don’t know what I am writing right now. 

Oh yeah- me and catering and some culinary schooling— looks like it will happen.  I find myself doing things lately: waking up and making mayonaise a new way, poaching eggs for fun, thinking about things I want to do with ginger…  it has become a bit of a madness.  I obessessed a little bit about having some friends over for dinner.  What to make? How many courses? Will it weird them out if there are a lot of courses? 

Am I actually writing this?

It has been a mixed week.  Very good, very bad.  We spent some time at the beach- first just me and the Joes then later in the week with friends.  I love the beach.  I love it.  LOVE IT.  I don’ t care if the ocean is freezing.  I don’t care if I don’t look as good in my bathing suit as I had planned to.   I am trying to convince my son that there is no feeling like freezing one’s tush off in the waves.  I am sure he will come around some day.

The bad news?  A family member diagnosed with a serious illness.  2008 has already exceeded its allowance of deaths and illnesses and other bad news.  The last few years were full of births and weddings, I guess life gets balanced out, right?  Almost everyone I know is now married.  Half of everyone I know has reproduced- I guess it was time for the other sorts of news?  It is never a good time for that.

In other news: a lot of people have recently decided to visit in a relatively short period of time.  People I haven’t seen in a very long time.  People coming from far away.  Why am I stressed about this?  I am stressed because I am a ninny.  I think we do just fine in our little apartment with our relatively a-materialistic existence.  Why do I feel a slight panic when richer friends from my past show up?  I guess I don’t want them to feel sorry for me?  I don’t want them to feel superior to me?  I think it is the latter.  I have many friends who have opted to live a simpler sort of existence in lieu of financing their futures.  It is smarter in the long run.  Sure, we could have a house… but we don’t want to finance one!  I don’t know why it bothers me what anyone thinks.  Probably because I have friends who say what they think.  I keep trying to move past them but I never know how to do that.  I just feel like crap about myself and whine about it to my husband until he can’t stand to hear it anymore.   I am sure he is looking forward to all of that.

Ug.  I need to get to work.  On a final note: I really want someone to see ‘Mama Mia’ with me.  Who will do that?  Not my husband.  None of my friends seem to care. Am I so pathetic?  I didn’t say it would be an awesome movie, I just want to see it!  It won’t be “Muriel’s Wedding” or anything- nah, I didn’t even see the musical.  I am just saying that a 32 year old mom should be able to find someone to go to a damn movie with without having to justify (and this is not aimed at my hubby, he is exempt because I do not want to pay for childcare to see a movie) it or assure the person accompanying that it will be an excellent movie.  That doesn’t help anyway.  No one wanted to see “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly” with me. 

I need to work.

My child is hot and for some reason believes this is my fault.

Oh yeah, our oven is dead. We have one working burner and nothing going on inside. I used a counter top grill last night to grill tofu but, uh… yeah. I will keep calling the landlord until I get a response. In the meantime it is like a little ‘Top Chef’-esque challenge, right? “Cook a healthy and interesting meal each night for a week or so without the use of a range….” Yeah, I am up to it. Thankfully this happened on a hot week when we were probably going to have salads all week anyway.

Before I worked the night shift I was NEVER ill. Now I can’t seem to shake things. I have a lousy cough and a spinny head. Just thought I would get that complaint in, too.

Also my son has been getting up between four and five a.m.

AND I have been working out a lot and am really quite sore.

There- I complained. I feel better? Nah. I am too sticky and wheeze-y to feel any sort of real relief.

My husband has googled this word for some reason and it does not exist.  It does now- here it is.  Google it and get this, right?
Don’t ask, man.  Its a hot night and we can’t keep our hands off of the tequila.

Actually, a few of these go back further than the last few days.  I included some pics that were on my phone from a strange day in the woods.  I found this place .

The others are from our adventures around the area during the holiday weekend.  I am not really in the shots because I am behind the camera (or phone in some cases).

Check out the fog at the beach yesterday morning!!!
I also should mention that I slept FIVE HOURS over the course of the weekend pictured above.

Last night I was making myself a salad and I thought I saw a black worm wriggling in the greens!  That was all of the convincing I needed to finally go to bed for about 10 hours.

I will post pics Monday or Tuesday.  I updated my header… cool pic, eh?  That is my guys, big and small, reflected in my glasses on Friday. 

My throat hurts and I have no voice.  It is 3:00 a.m. and I actually need to speak.  I am at work and people need me to speak a lot: directions to beaches, where are the ferry terminals? How far to this place or that place? Where can they get the best seafood? Where is the cheapest gasoline? Where would I, a resident, go on a day such as today?  On and on like that forever.  I suspected my voice would give way (I have been under the weather a lot lately) so I printed out directions to all of the more popular tourist destinations, the airport, and all of the outlet stores.  I also printed out a weather report and a schedule of local events.  Good thinking, maybe.

This place has been re-modeled lately.  Someone thought it would be a fun idea to pipe in music.  Someone also neglected to give me any information as to where this music is controlled from.  I can’t turn it down!! I can’t get any relief from these ‘top hits’.  Hits of when? I think the past 20 years.  Past ten years? I am sure more than ten years because I remember hearing that “Hey Jealousy” song when I was in highschool.  Right now I hear “I Want it That Way”.  I am sure it will be followed with Cheryl Crow, or Counting Crows, or the Black Crows.  There seems to be an over-representation of “Crow” in there.  I was wrong.  The next song is that ‘the rest is still unwritten’ song.  Shows how much I listen to top 40 radio!  Anyhow, I CAN’T TURN IT DOWN.  The last person who had access jacked up the volume to a level that is sort of uncomfortable.  How much should a voice-less, exhausted person have to endure?  I walked in and had my outfit criticized.  Yes!  Nice!  Whatever.

I am sleepy.  Elvis Costello? I didn’t expect that in the mix for some reason. Hmm.  Odd.

I think I may have had somewhere to go with this.  I can’t really remember now.  I am blank.  I figured maybe that since I have not done much talking that I should be typing.  Typing about what?  I could go on about our summer adventures.  We are having them!  I could but that seems like a lot of work.  I could talk about some of the drama that is going on around me here and there, but that is not really mine to talk about.  I could talk about my fitness regimen?

OR I could go help the guy driving up bring in the Sunday papers.  Maybe I will be a good girl and do that.