bring on the new!

I guess sitting at home during a snowstorm is a fine enough way to end 2007.  2007 has been that sort of year? I don’t know,  I am not really into rating years.  The thing I always liked about New Years Eve was related to party potential (and very seldom party payoff, most of the parties I have been to on New Years have been just unbearable).

As a child I daydreamed of growing up to have incredible New Year’s parties.  This was all based on something that involved cocktail weenies and cocktail weenies and metallic strappy sandals (this was the late 70s) and a lot of champagne.  A super fantastic rocking adult party with tons of drunken kisses and singing when the clock struck 12.

I have no desire to throw such a party tonight.  I still want to have some big crazy party sometime, just not in this tiny apartment with a small child, etc.  I am going to do it, though.  You just wait!  It will be the craziest grown-up NewYear’s party ever.  Crazy music! Confetti! Noisemakers! Super awesome drinks!  Just not this year.

This year the hubby and I will no doubt will drink cheap champagne and be grateful for the fact that 2007 was kinder to us than 2006, which was far less stressful than 2005… you get the picture.

-hmmm, I just made and deleted a list about 2007.  2007 was a good year, a hard to list year.  Good things happened, life was calm, people were nice, all is well.

RESOLUTIONS (or something like them)

-I will indeed run a 5k (and run it all).  I was supposed to last year but.. you know… stuff

-I will attempt to write (and post!) a short story a week.  Sound crazy?  Maybe.  It will be fun.  I will post the blog link here a the end of the week.  The thing about this?  They can suck.  Okay?  Don’t judge me: I didn’t say I would write a good or even read-able story a week.  Just a story a week.

-I will get all new clothes and actually discard some of the old crap.  I am struggling lately with the newest ‘tits on toast’ shirt styles.  People know what I mean, right? So many shirts now are so, uhm, BOOBIE.  I mean, I am not insecure in the rack region but I am moderately modest came of age in an era when it was enjoyable to kick a guy in the nuts for staring one’s chest for too long (right grrls?)… I have a hard time trying to do something like buy milk, check-out a hotel guest, pay for gasoline… whatever, any of these things with some man old enough to be my grandfather or almost young enough to be my son (or actually any age, to be honest) staring me in the chest.  Its just not me.  That being said, all the shirts I like are boobie like that and I don’t know what else to do except move to the middle of the wilderness and wear them all by my lonesome self.  Sorry.  This is not a resolution, is it?

-Maybe we should look into finally finding a place that we want to stay in since we have been here, in this apartment that we have no love for, so damn long.

That is all I’ve got.  Nothing too crazy.  I would like to resolve that my husband stop smoking but I don’t think one can make resolutions to be executed by another, right?  So read this Joe and just do it!

Happy 2008!

do(o)

 I AM SO FREAKING TIRED I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I AM DRAGGING MY ASS TO THE GYM….

…in a moment.  I have resolutions-ish.  I will post them tomorrow.  Tonight, quickly, a list:

THE LAST BIT OF 2007-

-We attempted a family vacation this weekend.  We turned around and came home three hours after we checked into the hotel.  Apparently someone (someone small) doesn’t dig the idea of sleeping away from home these days.   At least we made it home in time to drink and watch that football game (you know which one) that we decided to watch for some reason.

-I had to clean up dog poop that was intended to piss someone else off.  I am good at this hospitality thing, no?

-My husband ate ham.  Sometime if I have nothing better to do I will write an entire blog entry about how much I hate ham.

-Did I mention seeing an owl in the Old Port? I don’t know if I did.  It seems like this has been the longest holiday season ever for some reason.  Yes, we saw a huge owl.

-I watched a scary movie in the middle of the day and was still scared.

-I translated a lot of Spanish.  I don’t know very much Spanish but sometimes I have super powers, I swear.  My new friend from Mexico agrees.

-I got to hear about all of the latest scandal on my side of the family.  It seems so strange that I am no longer scandalous at all.  Really, I am just not scandalous… sheesh!! Well, I suppose I had a good run.

-My computer has not crashed in four days!

-I can’t translate any Eastern European languages.  That would have come in handy this week.

-I am still sleepy and can’t believe I am forcing myself to run.  Why

WHY?

so something will be here tomorrow finalizing the year because I guess that is the sort of thing that belongs on a blog like this, right?

so

The holiday did end up being a bit more of a holiday in the end.  I guess it was all just a day late.  My family all came together for a ‘thing’ at my house last night.  My sister put together a meal, I decked out the table in desserts, we all traded gifts, the tiny Christmas tree remained up- it worked out.  At the end of the evening my son (who had been an absolute bear that morning, see below) turned to the room of people and announced “It’s a family”.  Aw.  He is full of those, a regular Tiny Tim.

Yesterday was also doctor’s appointment day.  The doc must have been soooo happy that Joseph was his first appointment after the holiday.   I brought my sister along for (much needed) moral support (and physical defense) since my husband was at work.  The first part of the appointment went well.  He is healthy and has hit all his little three year old benchmarks (and exceeded the “smart-’butt’”milestones by a bit).  The doctor and I had to begin our discussion of immunizations.  It was all downhill from there.  The kid gave us no credit.  The doctor and I were actually knocking shots off of the agenda.  He ended up getting two (down from four) and I don’t think I have ever seen anything like the hell he rained down on that examination room.

Pook got pretty slashed up.   We bought the kid a cake.  It was a small cake, but a cake (and a concession on my part) none the less.

In other news: we are trying desperately to change our 60 year old toilet seat.  Metal rusted/mess…. ack.  Uhm…. we are taking ourselves on a little vacation this weekend- just the three of us for a weekend of hotel, hotel pools, pizza in the room… I don’t know- relax.  First I have to stay up for two days straight(ish).

Also- (and please don’t judge) my husband and I have found ourselves randomly somewhat obsessed with the song “No Myth”.  We both remembered it individually and had to hear it.  Now we always have to hear it for some reason.  That some always reminds me of one summer in particular- the summer it was always on the radio.  I remember reading “The Heart is a Lonely Hunter” and running around in the woods/skinny dipping/playing with Ouija boards at night- such classic 15 year old fare.  It just wouldn’t be as much fun to do that stuff at 32.  We have also been listening to “The Milkman of Human Kindness”(Billy Bragg), a song I also enjoyed back in that day.  I don’t know why that era in particular has found its way to our mp3 player lately.

Today the tot and I are going to hang with the grandparents in their hotel room.  I am bringing a book of short stories and taking full advantage of the fact that someone else will be the entertainment.  I entertain a lot!

I won’t be blogging until I get around to my sort-of-mandatory New Year’s entry.  I have to think of those resolutions…

…and also maybe a look back?

maybe i need to start checking the box marked ‘other’

Merry Christmas.

This Christmas has proven to me that I lack some secret ingredient that makes a person a celebrator of Christmas.  Maybe like my Jewish, Asian, Persian, North African, and Eastern Orthodox friends I am just not a person who fits the December 25th holiday profile.  Its not as clear as religion or anything, I don’t know what it is.

I did some stuff that was holiday like.  Mostly I am just trying to recover from the pre-holiday.  Most of the pre-holiday issues for me involved drunk hotel guests doing things like putting together parking lot soccer games at 3 a.m. as well as complimentary cookie eating contests.  This makes a girl tired.

Every little holiday thing I prodded my child with failed.  He must have got that recessive gene that I have: holiday dud.  I was reading a friend’s blog and was amazed at her photos: her children singing by candlelight, exchanging cards they made themselves, decorating gingerbread cookies… I gave my child a gingerbread cookie and he tossed it aside and informed me: “I don’t eat that”.

So its over for a year.  I have plenty of time to work on whatever part of me  is askew.

In other news: I have resurrected this damn thing yet again.  Why do I do it?  I thought it was gone for good.  I should just be rid of it for good.  I just keep going back.  Why? Because it is mine.  Content as I am with my current status, my current life does not seem to involve many things that are solely mine.  Let me see: there are things like my underwear and my pants- my husband and I do share t-shirts to some degree.  I wear a lot of his to sleep and to the gym.  I guess my toothbrush and my makeup are all mine, though my sister does like to dig around in the cabinet to see what might look alright on her face.  I guess that other than things that go on my body this computer is the only thing that is really and truly my thing.

I am getting ready to resolve!  This year I have no big obvious ones to take care of.  I am not really hating the one vice I have kept (like three drinks a week? Hardly anything).  I have some particularly good habits going for me these days (like my free time spent reading and running?) So my resolutions will involve creative endeavors.

Here are some thoughts:

-a goal of writing a short story a week- good or bad- just writing one- it would be interesting to see what happens, eh?

-the ol’ cookbook- at least get a recipe out a week on a blog or something (and Annie, we could totally get that done someday, right?)

-make a quilt- yeah right, I guess that sort of thing is just not me.  I think this one is out

that is what I have thought of for now.

My husband and I are going to wrap up this holiday-of-sorts with some solid media time now.
Merry Christmas or December 25th– whichever box you check!

work parties, cookie discos

I cannot believe it is snowing again.

Yesterday we had two work Christmas parties.  Mine was during the day.  I was accompanied by my son: quite the show-off.  We walked in and he got right to work singing his ABC’s, counting to 40, reciting the planets in order, counting by fives, telling the weekday desk person she was pretty and playing with her hair, announcing to the room “I love women”.  Remember that in group situations I am quite shy.  I think I just sort of put my head down and waited for gift time.  Well, the kid is not shy.  He also was sure to read anything in the room and remind everyone when they forgot to say thank-you.  On the bright side he did not touch all of the food (nor did he even try- he ate a cupcake and made one quickly aborted lunge for some baklava), he did not cry for gifts or even go near the ‘toys for tots’ pile, and he did not whine or cry.  He did tell me when it was time to go home.  If (and this is highly unlikely, I realize) any grandparent is reading this: PLEASE when you coax tricks out of kids and reward them with sweets and large plastic trucks you only teach them to show off in all groups.  Some parents want to blend.  Some parents want to sit back and enjoy the various casseroles without all eyes on them.  Please.

The thing about my Christmas party? My company rained down about 275.00 in cash cards and gift certificates on each of us.  YEAH!!! Anyone want to come with me to get a manicure? Anyone into bowling?  We got gift certificates to two awesome eateries and a cash card? Also there were gifts-  come on, man!!!  I think I love my job.

I settled the tot in with my sister and headed out to pick up my husband from work and attend his office party.  It was snowing and snowing and traffic was backed up- fun.

My husband got his “Secret Santa:……

…LIGHT BULBS.  Yes.  My husband bought the agreed upon dollar amount’s worth of energy-saver light bulbs  and put them in one of the gift bags from my office party.  The look on the recipients face was priceless.  I quickly explained that I got a battery charger for my birthday.  That is just Joe: practical.

This is the second group of co-workers in a row that felt it urgent to tell me that my husband eats a lot.  I think it is funny that he is famous for his food consumption everywhere he works.  I think it is funnier that his food intake never affects his weight.  I didn’t notice any change after he downed half a dozen donuts this weekend.  I get to say over and over to over ‘Oh, he can eat anything’, or ‘the poor guy only gets salad at home’, or ‘he is just lucky I guess’.

I beat his entire office at trivia.

So now it is today.  We feel we have a large part of Christmas over and dealt with.  That was work, now comes family.  I am 100% certain that my husband has not done whatever it is he needs to do when it comes to his family yet.  I have already taken care of all of mine.

It is damn snowy.  I hear a constant chorus of spinning cars from the streets outside. The little guy and I have it pretty rough today: we have absolutely nothing to do.  It looks like another snow day filled with dancing and cookie baking.  My son is actually the owner of several party lights.  Really, what more could a kid want than 800 tunes loaded up and a disco light?  Today we are going to get the lights going and the music thumping and dance and bake cookies until bed time.  I am not joking.  I recommend this to any parent snowed in.  All cookie calories are covered by the frantic dancing.  We have already had a round.

Dance mixes with Asha Bhosle!!!  Asha Bhosle with a beat and lemon cream cheese cookies while colored lights dance around the room?  My house is where it is happening.  Quit your day jobs and move next door!

cold and disorganized

This is my third attempt at an entry in the past 24 hours.  I just can’t do it? I think the cold and ice have settled into my brain.  Bullets!  I am resorting to bullets!

-I met a swami on Friday night.  I still feel strangely about the fact that I was watching a rerun of “Sex and the City” and opening boxes of coffee cups and coffee stirrers when he came in.   I don’t really feel like I should ever be specific about any guest interactions on this page- it is a public violation of privacy, it seems.  Cool things happen, though.

- Cold and snowy!  I don’t know how it is I got the sort of husband I did.  That would be the sort of husband who puts the car in a parking garage at the first sign of a storm and walks back in the blizzard without a complaint.  What is up with that?  Oh well, that thing about looking gift horses in the mouth……….

-We watched “Saturday Night Fever” last night.   Some discussion between us months ago caused us to go ahead and purchase it on Amazon for like a dollar.  I had never seen the ‘not-for-television’ version.  A little different than I remembered…

-My son is angry at the cold.  I can’t really blame him.

-Saturday was sort of a mess- I came home from working all night to a surprise: Joe was called into work and Joseph was not in the mood for any naps.  After Joe returned from work his sister stopped by with her boyfriend.  I am sure they think I am a drunk or an idiot.   Seriously, I was just really, really tired.

-My mother reached her weight-watchers goal weight.   I think she is getting like a six diamond ring or something.  She gets manicures now… confusion.

-We have decided a little late in the game to baptized the child.  I was not really ever going to get into that sort of thing but a scary movie has moved my husband into the ‘couldn’t hurt’ point of view.  I think he also has some pressure from his family to deal with.  We talked it out a little, and it really couldn’t hurt, could it?  The only real problem is with my parents and their very aggressive opposition to such things.  We will just leave all of that out of the ordeal.  We went ahead and selected the church and the god parents and I think we are good to go ahead and make that plan.  My husband will sleep a little better after seeing movies concerning demon possession.

- We may be house-sitting on a lake for a while with a small dog.  I am not really very sure about this?

-I don’t know what is going to come of Christmas.  I keep getting cards and the sink-y guilty feeling is growing.  I guess I am just going to let it all go by.  If you know me, you can hate me.  Maybe next year?

-Crazy thing: I have been craving red meat (I do not eat such things) like crazy.  I want a burger.  What is that about?  I want a burger so I had a yogurt.  Yup! That craving will go away really soon.

the not-me me

Friday is a tough day.  I can’t believe I have the computer on.  I have been up since yesterday at 6 blah, blah… anyone who has read a week of my entries knows the drill.  Last night was especially trying with the surprise storm.  I left for work very early, drove very slow— uhm, I ended up at work very early and let the person before me off the hook.  I had a long night.  I did a lot of stuff.  I was more or less sexually harassed for a couple of hours but what gal isn’t when she is giving men breakfast? Tired.  I am tired.

So today I am doing both a good and bad job at being me.  Friday is lie around and watch cartoon day.  Terrible, right?  The guilt consumes me.  We do other things besides watch cartoons.  We played will little foam shapes for a while.  We (well, I tried to) played this dancing game Joseph invented… then we started watching cartoons.

My mom gave the little guy like five discs of really old, really randomly collected cartoons.  I had to preview and find the dvds that could play through without exposing my son to the terrible racist material of yesteryear.  I felt safe about my choice this morning and we started our viewing.  I fell asleep maybe five seconds after we started watching.  When I startled awake the scene was five elves shaking frothy beer steins at a cow in a tree. WTF?  Apparently there was also bowling involved.

Sometimes I go one step further into complete slacker mom on Friday and order in.  I came so close to ordering pizza (I never order these guys pizza).  I was sure it was going to happen.  At the last moment I felt a surge of the usual-Emily pain-in-the-ass-ness kick in and prevent me from being a fun mom.  Nope! No pizza today!   I am fun, no?

Why am I even writing?

My son just started with “why”.  That is an interesting developement!

what is & what should never be

I think I will use bullets to go over the last couple of days.  It seems like maybe a lot has happened (or not, it just seems that way) and I don’t think my thoughts could be easily organized into paragraph form?

- I have bumped into at the gym/bumped into at Wild Oats/heard from via Facebook/heard from via MySpace FIVE people from my distant past.  One of them goes as far back as elementary school.  Three of these people had apologies for me.  I had forgotten about two of the things that were being apologized for.  It makes my head spin a little.  I mean, being called by nicknames I have not heard in at least ten years, being reminded of things that happened when I was ten? Trying to place vaguely familiar faces and make conversation on the spot with people I hadn’t even thought about in ten years.  Hearing from people I actually missed but don’t think there is much point in being friends in the present maybe?  Its all so strange.  All in one week.  Now I keep having dreams I am in high school and I can’t figure out what is going on!

-I took the tot out quite a bit this week.  We did it all: got stuck in a traffic jam for an hour (I found out that he will sit through Sade’s “Lovers Rock” in its entirety.  I wouldn’t suspect that of most three year olds), made a snowman in the back yard, went out for coffee (and well, milk), bought new winter boots and mittens, went birthday shopping for the little guy’s cousin… it was a nice week out of the house.  Today it feels colder so we are back in the house but at least we had some time experiencing not-our-apartment.

-I was ALMOST in a terrible car accident.  Luckily it all stopped short.  Weirdest thing: I mean I saw the car coming at me at ridiculous speed in narrow parking area, in the dark and suddenly as I was pretty much bracing for the worst it just stopped.  I can’t explain the amount of negative feelings I have toward the young drivers of that car.  They were looking down at something the driver was holding the entire time.  My son has now heard me swear.  He has also seen me flip someone off.  That cannot be undone!

-I did a hell of a lot of exercise this week.  I keep slacking and getting back to it.  Let us hope I can maintain this particularly crazy streak of activity.   I feel better when I do.

-I am a little stressed about work.  The last couple of weeks the amount of things I have to get done in the course of a night cannot be squeezed into the eight hours.  I just want everyone to think I am good at my job! I want to be good at my job but how can I be if it is humanly impossible to do? Stress.  Stress.

-I watched two Led Zeppelin documentaries this week.  I guess only people who know me veeeeeerrrry well know that I am into Led Zeppelin (well, until now, I guess).  It is a little thing I have kept to myself since childhood (when my father had to destroy the albums due to their obvious connection with, uhm, Satan– or something like that) but now that I am safely in my 30s I will be out with it: sure I am not a 17 year old boy, sure it is not like me to like something that the world has already acknowledged so obviously, but dammit, they are my band, too.  I like them.  Screw y’all.

-We lost water for the better part of a day without warning.  We lost water the morning after I had an 800 calorie workout and just after I finished my third cup of strong coffee.  Most people could just run out and get a couple of bottles of water to help with that unbearable thirst….no.  One person (me) was pretty much trapped indoors, dirty, with a dirty and cranky toddler.   That is the day I ended up getting my husband Wendy’s for dinner.  He was puzzled by that.

-After the stretch without water I had myself one very stiff drink before bed.  I woke up with the spins!!! I spent a lot of that night seated on the side of the bath tub with my head between my legs.  I am never under-hydrating again (if it can be helped)!!!!

-I am finished my Christmas shopping.  Family (we couldn’t afford to do any friends this year) will be underwhelmed by me this year.  Sorry.

-I want to go ice-skating at the Expo center this weekend and I don’t have a skating buddy.  This is the problem with my current situation in life.  I have more ‘will meet up for a beer’ friends than I will ever need, I never need anyone to do that!  What I need are ‘meet for a coffee during the day’ friends, gym buddies, baking buddies, play dates, people who just like to hang out outside in the daytime, skating pals– that sort of thing.  Harder to find those.   My husband skates but one of us has to man the little guy (who has already announced: “I don’t skate, I don’t do that”).

That’s all I’ve got right now.

maybe the killer robots ate the cheese

*first I would like to say that I know that a love of killer robots is not a gender specific trait.  I am sure that I generalized here and just humor me because it seems that within the walls of this apartment the killer robot gene came through on the y chromosome.

Today is one of those days. We have nowhere to be. The little guy does not want to join his mom in our usual wander-about-town. He wants to be inside and warm doing nothing. We are doing nothing. Well, we are doing some things, but not the sort of things that lead one to that feeling that something has been accomplished. Here is a list:

-Eating: I consumed two containers of yogurt and some unknown quantity of cheese. I kind of just stood in front of the fridge and found cheese and ate it. I think that cheese had a purpose. It was supposed to be part of some dish… oh well. I ate the cheese. The little guy has been eating dried pineapple. It is his new favorite. Why do anything when you can stay home and eat cheese and dried pineapple? Beats us!

-Lying around: this is the part that kills me (see thumbnail of son lying under yoga mat). I had some idea that we would do a little yoga together this morning but decided it was too dangerous to get near to the television. See the stuff I will write about killer robots below.

-Wearing mismatched leisure-y clothing: Yep. I am wearing like three shirts and an old pair (seriously old, like from college) of pajama pants and my husbands hat that he doesn’t know I ever wear. The boy is wearing a sweat suit his grandmother gave him that says ‘All Star’. It is probably his favorite outfit. I am pretty sure he only thinks of stars as celestial bodies and not athletic heroes so its anyone’s guess what ‘All Star’ translates to in his head.

-Fighting with computers: after hours of just watching screen after screen of assurance that my drivers are being re-installed we have some progress. Of course this will all last a few days before the next trauma. I am reluctant to do anything other than direct to internet activities on this stupid thing.

-Taking photos: we do that a lot when there is not much else to do.

-Reading: for Christmas this year I have given myself the early gift of many used short story anthologies. I have finished “Rationing” by Mary Yukari Waters. Joseph is reading all about robots. Robots and castles. I believe he has entered a phase of life known as ‘full on boy’. See below.
So what is this boy/killer robot business? Sigh.

Roughly one year ago on one cold and wet day a small guy and I sat on the couch and enjoyed a viewing of “Les Parapluies de Cherbourg” and a bowl of fruit and cheese. I had this warm feeling deep down inside. What more could a mother want than that?

One year later and its all about robots and crashes and heroes and bad-guys. The robots are killer robots, the crashes are fire-y. It is so sad, I tell you. I blame two people: my husband and my brother-in-law. My husband was a childhood lover of the Transformers (I just saw the 80s photos to prove it) and my brother-in-law is a lover of comic books. I am interested in neither. SO DAMN UNINTERESTED. Last night while viewing classic Spiderman discs provided by bro-in-law my son viewed a preview for a movie (bionicles 2?) about what seemed to me to be killer robots. My husband perked up. What killer robot type things are these? Should we look into it? CRY!!!!!! Help me! I immediately started my lists of protests: he is lucky he even gets to watch the old spidermans at all, husband is lucky I let him play any videogames ever…. Finally I just burst out that I was adopting a girl. We will take over MY bedroom and my husband will move into my son’s room. US GIRLS will make cookies, watch old Catherine Deneuve movies, eat cheese and fruit, read STORY BOOKS (not ROBOT BOOKS).

Alas, we have agreed on this one-child life and I am outnumbered. I do have a large degree of control. I am the only parent present between 7:30 and 5:30 during the work week. I have to even it out!!!

Poll! Chime in people!

About the killer robot thing:

1- I should ban them? (I guess it does seem really selfish)

2-I should negotiate with my husband and set killer robot limits?

3- Should I leave these matters that I do not seem to have the correct sympathies to comprehend fully to my XY counterpart, the man I love (who also loves robots)

4-Should I move my husband into JCK3’s bedroom and let them confine all their boy things to a newly robot decorated, stinky room (for some reason I imagine that two males will automatically make it stinky though neither of them stink up their separate rooms).

5- I just thought of another option: Should I try to cultivate some interest in these robot-y things and go for the ol’ “if you can’t beat ‘em” thing? Is it uncool for a mom to try to understand and belong to killer robot culture?

More sighs.

half way there

My computer is not completely back, but there is progress.  My computer is now a he.  It is decided.  ‘He’ is something like an abusive boyfriend.  The sort that will hurt you and then come back around with puppy-dog eyes and big fancy promises of new and improved behavior.  My computer is like that.  My husband and his computer are like an old, happily married couple.  He remains loyal no matter what new bells and whistles I show him and in return the old girl never breaks down on him.

Whatever.  I can’t speak ill of his laptop while I am stealing this moment on it.

As for sandwich party…  I will (too little, too late) say that my most favorite?  I toast two pieces of wheat bread and spread herb cream cheese on one slice and honey dijon on the the other.  I don’t have a name for it.  I just call it yummy.

I am off to down some Portuguese wine and collapse next to the warm husband and watch whatever flickers in front of me.  If I have something interesting to share from the weekend– well, I just can’t think of anything right now.

Sleepy.
Happy Birthday Annie!!!!