dead meringue

I have a bowl of meringue that won’t ‘go’ on my hands.  It sort of tastes like sweet pool-water.  I will get to that later.

I will start with “Yesterday was a good day”… it really was!  I mean, it was wintry: snowy, slushy, yes- but it was warmer than it has been and we spent most of our morning out and around.  NOW, at the END of winter my son has absolutely no problem getting suited up and out the door.  It only took three months, right? Oh well, he does it- I should not complain.

We headed out and went to the civic center to chose our free seats for Sunday’s hockey game.  2008 will always be remembered by me as the year I had so many free hockey tickets, sheesh!  My son gets very excited about those games for the wrong (can a reason for liking a hockey game be wrong?) reasons.  He likes the noise, the screens up over the stands, the numbers everywhere, and his favorite thing? Yelling at the goalie.  I am not sure why.  Anyway, we got more hockey tickets.

We also went on a quest for a few specific ingredients: jarlsberg cheese and a baguette.  My son likes to walk down the street eating from a baguette.  It is comical to observe.  We spent about two and a half hours out of doors and it was ecstasy, seriously.

Last night I made baked french onion soup from scratch with chicken salad sandwhiches (with capers? I was in a zone last night) and a spinach tomato salad.  My son and I read a story about some whitey twerp children looking at antiques on Beacon Hill and pondering the life of Louisa Mae(y?) Alcott.  We have this volume of children’s stories from the fifties and I must say those people were really deluded.  It is like an American Victorian era in terms of children’s literature.  Needless to say there are no killer robots or non-Anglo last names.  We read them with a grain of salt: “White Bread Hour”.  Its a good laugh.

Last night I headed out in the snow storm for a little me-time (errand time, gym time).  I sort of enjoyed it.  It made me think that I should go for more walks at night with my mp3 player.  It is weird that I never do that anymore… oh wait!  My husband always thinks I will be killed.  I am not joking!  I used to walk home in the middle of the night all of the time.  I held my own! 99% of the time there was nothing to hold my own against anyway! It is nice that he wants to be sure that I am safe.  I think I will have to just sort of teach him that I am, though.

So blah blah: nice day, nice night…. wake up and it is today.  I am sore from working out.  It is a hell of a lot colder outside.  I try to find my mission of the day.  Oh yeah?  A cupcake challenge.  Inspired by a friend who was looking for the not-so-fattening but still good cupcake.  HA!  I had a great idea.  Meringue frosting with a certain popular brand of sucralose sweetener.

Now my real ‘double boiler’ frosting is certainly awesome.  It is frothy and fluffy and a hint marshmallowy and generally just so awesome.  This stuff? Well, I never got those peaks to form.  Nope!  I tried and tried and tried.  I wasted egg-whites damn it.  Now I need to find a project for my four yolks.  I tasted the flat froth and it tastes like chlorine and cream of tartar so I suppose it is good that the stuff didn’t fluff.  Hmmm… if it had it would have been funny to color it sort of aqua… and make some sort of pool-water, guilt-free confection?  Anyone game for that?

I guess I should find something to clean instead.  Blasted inside days.  My son is busy popping his various inflatable earth balls.  He likes to sit press down on them until they leak.  Fast times around here!

Oh, and thanks to the guy who was concerned about my soul.

taxes, coffee, movies, snow, acrylic fireworks on velvet

I finally got all of our taxes filed yesterday.  I am the business manager/accountant of this little three person family unit and, well, I had been putting it off.  I got my coffee, got my slightly bent out of shape glasses that I don’t really need, got our large pile of w-2s and 1098s and set to work.  I finished with somewhat satisfactory results.  We just missed getting a huge credit.  Maybe we one of us should have decided against one of the lesser part-time jobs, but what’s done is done.  It felt like the final goodbye to 2007.  2007 was a year of many jobs.  We hope 2008 will bring no more than three.

I was surprised at my financial contribution last year.  I am here, taking care of the little guy weekdays so I think the assumption of many people who know me is that I sort of leach off of the husband.  That is not so.  I added what I brought home to the price of reasonable childcare and learned that it would be equal to the salary of a regular 9-5er.  I guess the only difference is that I don’t really have anything like sick days and, oh yeah, I stay up all night two or three times a week.  I am tired.   I don’t remember what I am saying.   I am just addicted to writing a blog entry with my morning coffee.

I really miss doing crosswords.  That has been the major consequence of getting my daily news online.

The snowstorm was snowy.  We spend all weeknights in anyway.  Joe had a lot of work to do on a resume or something so I actually watched a movie by myself.  I watched “Girl, Interrupted” which I have seen before.  I can’t remember how I decided on it.  I guess I was too tired for subtitles and not in a mood to laugh?  My aunt was supposedly at the same facility as the woman who wrote the book around the same time.  I am always interested to get any information about anything to do with anyone in my family with mental illness.  Those are the stories no one really tells unless they are really mad at someone or there is a death in the family (or national television has been interrupted to bring fast-breaking news of a cult compound being raided by the government: my most famous cousin was involved in that one).

I dreamed about painting fireworks onto black velvet last night.  I remember I was using acrylics.

Now I am  dragging my feet.   I should be paying bills.  It hurts me to give more of our money away.  Our bills are outrageous lately thanks to a couple of medical incidents, an extra car that won’t work, and the cold weather/terrible price of heat.  I feel alright after all of the payments have left our account, then that sinking feeling again as the new bills start rolling in.

I am going to take my son out to play in the snow.  I don’t have any better ideas today.

quantity not quality seems to be the present theme…

…but I am thinking I would like a theme or a prompt or something to go on for a week or so while I am concentrating on a few other dull projects (taxes? closet cleaning?).  I like lists.  I like filling spaces.  I like having something to do when I have a free moment.  I am so restless these days.

Here are some that I thought of: A week of top 10s or 5s, a week of retellings of some sort: humiliations? favorite moments of some kind… a week of recipes and the stories behind them… a week of pictures and captions…  I don’t know.  I will think about it.

This is all funny to think about because I was talking to a friend about writing the other night and I was saying how it gives me the opportunity to dwell on my own thoughts: daydream, etc.  She said “yeah, time to stick your head up your own ass and not feel funny about it”.  I thought that was funny.  That is what it is, isn’t it?  Especially with blogs: “my life was important, I was here!! I was doing stuff!”.  That is exactly what this blog is for me.  I won’t lie!! All of my ‘manifesto mom’(that phrase copyright me, by the way) friends have to assign so much purpose to everything they do, but I will admit to you that I do stuff because I want to and because it validates my neurosis and gives me a chance to talk about me (a relief since I spend so much time just doing stuff I need to do and talking about things like the moons of Saturn).

My mp3 player was off: judgement day did not come around.  Phew!!! I didn’t really feel like I went to bed with things set right with the world, haha.  Maybe a week of atonement would be a good blog theme.

I guess the boy and I will be sitting around waiting for the snowstorm today.  We have cupcakes to eat that we made from scratch yesterday:

I was going to make this other frosting but ended up going with good ol’ buttercream.  I prefer to make my frosting stove-top with egg whites for a very simple reason: I hate to think of the years coming off of our lives every time I indulge everyone with buttercream.

Hmm, another blog theme: A week of ways I am secretly neurotic.  Maybe not so secretly.  My little sister would certainly say “not a secret”

if the rapture goes down tonight don’t say that my mp3 player didn’t warn you

My mp3 player seems to have another one of its “say it with shuffle” agenda: Nina Simone’s “Sinnerman”, lots of fire and brimstone from Johnny Cash… I am relieved to hear that is has suddenly decided to play Depeche Mode’s “Dreaming of Me”.  All I am reading into that choice is that perhaps 20 years of what used to be considered “old Depeche Mode” (I guess most of it is old now? Am I old now?) is finally getting my attention.  Is it really just a Casio keyboard?  Better question: Am I going to hell?

Now my mp3 player is playing “See No Evil” by Television.  Hmmm.

I will ignore all of that for nowand hope for the best.

I should start by mentioning that I deleted the post about the suicide because I felt strangely paranoid about conveying that information.  I don’t know that I should make anyone’s secrets public, even if it is somewhat anonymous? Anyway, all gone.

It was a strange weekend, but this has been an abnormally normal day.

The landlord came to install a new toilet seat (how exciting is that?) so that my son has no excuses when it comes to doing his business there.   The weather was better than it has been and we went for a walk.  I guess that is all there is to say?  I guess that IS all there is to say.

Oh, there is this trivial bit: I think I have become absolutely obsessed with oral hygeine.  I can’t stop brushing my teeth with my electric toothbrush and have started flossing about six times a day.  I can’t even begin to count how many times I have swished.  It seems to come from the same central bit of neurosis that makes me dream that I am losing my teeth all of the time.  I guess one’s mouth can never be too clean?  There are worse habits maybe?

Maybe I shouldn’t have bothered with an entry today?

the rest of the weekend

It wasn’t all failed suicide attempts and laundry.  I did get out of town for a spell.  My sister and I headed out for a little mini-holiday- the trip sort of went down with mixed results.

The first negative was the decision to get Chinese take-out.  My sister and I are not exactly the best-matched travelling companions.  I suppose our differences have been exaggerated over the years as our respective husbands have settled us into our own distinct sets of habits.  I wanted to go out to something like a bar and grill for maybe a drink and a smallish meal.  She wanted the whole vision of take-out boxes and chop sticks in front of the television and I, being the big sister, gave in easily thinking that television and preservatives are two things I don’t really get so much of these days.

We decided on take-out from the only place we could find a menu from: the worst restaurant in the entire world.  I may not be exaggerating.  The food received, all dishes, tasted exactly like the crusty, burnt, greasey scrapings from an old grill.  Even the rice tasted like burnt toast!  The sauce?  It all tasted like salt!! The consistency of EVERYTHING?  Hard rubber.   We took a few bites each and gave up.  After the first bite reached my stomach my appetite was effectively extinguished and did not return for the entire weekend.

The roller rink that I had set my heart on has apparently been closed down for some time.

We spent some time in the hot tub.  I worried about my insides cooking. I only really enjoy that sort of thing if it is contrasted with really cold air or something.  I wasn’t really fond of sitting in hot, chemically smelling water in a hot, bright room.

The pool was full of children throwing balls so that sort of got crossed off of the agenda.   We watched some television.  We don’t have the same taste in television… not at all.  I am used to watching it with Joe.  Our tastes have merged to the point where program choices can be made without speaking.  My sister and I have to discuss these things until my jaw hurts.  It sort of hurt from trying to chew that food anyway….

The bed was comfy.  I ended up reading part of the “Book of Mormon” that I found in the nightstand.

I was very excited to get to eat cereal with skim milk for breakfast.  I am just so not fun sometimes, right?  My sister wanted to go out for breakfast.  I wanted to eat in the sun and look out the window… I don’t know… we didn’t get that part of the day off on a good foot.  I don’t think that is natural to wake up with people who aren’t the same people one wakes up to every other day of one’s life….

What did go well was the discovery of a second hand store where I immediately went nuts and purchased two pairs of shoes, a skirt, three shirts, and some clothes for my husband.  I was moving along to the books and records area when I saw that my sister looked like she was in serious pain.  I accompanied her to a ‘real’ store and bought an ‘etch-a-sketch’ for my son.

I realize just how damn hard it is for me to function without my son and my husband for an extended period of time.  I miss my son (and his little kissy cheeks) to a probably not sane extent.  I think I annoyed him with kisses when I got home.  He dug the toy!

I hope my sister does not hate me.  I neglected to mention that we did have some fun with skin care and it is always exciting to find the worst of something that one will ever encounter.  I feel the discovery of the worst food in the world really was an event.  My sister was telling me that her Egg McMuffin from McDonalds was like a religious experience after eating that shit.

I am home and a little sad that I did not get any sort of skating in. It seems I have been on this great quest (without really even being aware so much) to skate.  Ice, roller… Sigh.

And the rest of this weekend? Well! The sun is shining!!!  I am so f***ing happy to get out there with my guys and walk around.  Coffee!  I need coffee and sunlight!  Life has just been a little too weird.

away for a few

days

Today is the beginning of my short but strenuous work-week.  That will be followed by a brief visit from my brother-in-law which will then be followed by a mini-vacation with my sister.

I need to get away, even if it is to a place that is not any warmer.  The idea of rollerskating then swimming in a heated pool sounds heavenly.  The only hitch is my little problem with separation anxiety from my guys.  I trust my husband to hold down the fort, I know my son will not really even care that I am away for an afternoon and a night.  I just feel weird about it!  I always feel guilty having any fun at all without them.  I can’t help it, I am programed at this point.  Programmed by me!! It could also stem back from a few boyfriends I had back-in-the-day who used to make good use of my time away to do wretched and terrible things in my very own bedroom.  This is certainly not something my dear husband would do but I have been trained to feel uneasy about leaving.  Also, I am like chemically bonded to those two.  I feel weird being without my husband and my son….

…but rollerskating?  Swimming? Watching bad television?  That seems like fun right now.

My son and I have been sitting around and looking at each other all day.  This weather is making us dull and crabby people.  I think he blames me for the cold.  It seems rational since I control so many other parts of his life.  Why not blame the person who serves you peas and makes you sit on the potty?  I am also the person who turns off the television and asks him not to draw on the floor.

In other news of our life here: I had some more dental agony yesterday.   I have pretty much signed up to have the torture dealt in regular bi-monthly installments.  This is a lot of pain for a person who has only ever had one cavity.  I do have some things about my stupid mouth that need some maintenance.  I begged them (because I am cheap and because I am stupid) to do all work without any form of sedation or any anesthetics.  This all means that I have very sore gums.  Sore gums adding to cabin fever.

And oh yeah,  the crows have gone crazy here!! We have a monstrous “murder” (that is a flock, right?) of crow swooping it at night and perching in almost every tree on the Western Prom.  We were driving home last night and I swear the sky turned dark… Crows!!!

Maybe that is not interesting at all, but what can I say?  I am so sick of winter.  I don’t even know how I found the inspiration for a few paragraphs here.

Off to chop stuff.

pumelloes (pomeloes?) and positive thinking

Welcome the newest member of our family: a big old giant grapefruit.  My son has had a very inspiring morning visiting two of his favorite places: the produce section of the market and the main branch of our city post office.  The post office is beloved by him for the thousands of numbered post office boxes to wander through (its like some sort of beautiful number art gallery for him).  He loves the produce section and farmers market due to some deep routed fascination with fruit and vegetables.

He saw this big thing right away and pretty much demanded it.  The boy and his fruit have been inseparable since.  He carts it around.  I even saw him talking to it.  We go through this with pumpkins and gourds each fall (since he was like 9 months old) but this is the first time he has lavished his affections on citrus.  I don’t need to explain now how it is that this kid eats a healthy diet.  We hardly have to try to introduce new foods….

The funny thing is that I have decided that pomelo will be a great soup soon and I feel like my grandfather must have felt about the pigs that came and went on the farm…

Okay.

So I really hate this winter.  I think this is one of the worst Februaries on record.  The last time I recall it being so nasty was in like 1998 when my roommate from sunny Perth and I pretty much cried at the end of every cold, miserable night.  I hate this feeling.  Why eat at all? It is not like there is much exercise to be got!  I freaked out this morning when my jeans didn’t fit.  I laid into my husband for about twenty minutes about how he must motivate me to go running like five times a week and how I was going to live on greens without dressing (etc, etc).  He is never that much help about things like this.  He wouldn’t noticed if I gained 100 lbs (which I guess is a good thing??) but at the same time is just like “well, if you are forcing me to force you, do I really have to force you?”.

Curse this weather.  I was really depressed about this, too.  I mean, for like 2/3rds of the year we walked all over all day long! Damn, I remember all of that! Walking and getting coffee, going down to the docks and watching boats go in and out, running around the playgrounds…AAAAAAAAHHHHH.

So I have decided that maybe if I think positively Spring will just sort of happen?  I mean it is soooo cold today, but the sun is out.  My son and I are embracing the spirit!

We drove around a little bit and blasted songs from his playlist on the mp3 player.  We had to run from our car to the buildings we visited to avoid freezing faces but once inside it sort of felt like a nicer day?  I can’t explain it, but this will have to do.

Also, I am trying not to think about those jeans and instead am thinking about things that are going alright in life at this point-

-marriage- great? yes! I mean, I forget- that sort of thing can suck.  I lucked out.

-child? Super! He is happy and healthy and a blast to spend time with.

-friends?  Well, that seems to be going more smoothly than it has in years.  I actually like all of the people I have to deal with and look forward to time with them lately.  Strange!  It sort of feels… stress-free??? What???

-work? Hey, my job requires strange levels of physical exertion but I think overall it is a strange adventure I would have never thought to pick.  I meet all sorts of people and my coworkers are so very nice (I am sort of afraid of the eventual Kosovo discussions this weekend: all sides being well represented there. I must choose my words carefully.)

I guess it is time to go play with a boy and his large citrus fruit.  Stay strong fellow Mainers.  It can’t be cold forever?

swim meets and pizza

Today my husband had the day off so that the three of us could attend the state finals for highschool swimming and diving.  His younger sister was (and still is at this hour) competing for a diving title.  I don’t know much about diving, but I would say she is pretty damn good at it.

We had a pleasant, leisurely morning taking our time with our coffee and joking around>   We had lunch out, something we never ever do.  My son is in love with a certain homegrown, state- wide chain of pizza restaurants for some reason.  It may have something to do with the low- key atmosphere and perhaps also something to do with the sort of simple pizza they serve there.  I think he is silently defying my slightly over the top approach to things like pizza.  Three year olds generally don’t care what sort of olives top their pizza and probably prefer red sauce in the end.  He probably thinks I don’t get it, but I do.

After lunch we drove to the Ivy League (and that school is Ivy League, is it not?) university campus that was hosting the event and figured out what was going on.  Apparently small children are not encouraged to cheer during the actual dives so I took my son out to find a vantage point from outside.  We found a small window looking into the pool.  I was relieved when he recognized his aunt right away and began to cheer.  It all went over pretty well in the end.

Today was a strange day to be his mother.  I noticed something remarkable today: he has grown up so much recently.  It started this morning when he was happy about his jeans and his stripey shirt.  He sort of knew he looked sharp, but more than that he looked like a child and not a baby!!  Then there was this phrase: “Mumum, I need your help”.  So different from the old whines and pleas.  Who is this little person?  He was so calm and, well, appropriate acting in the restaurant and at the swim meet.  He cheered at the right time and even made a little small-talk with another child.  At no point was I rushing to physically restrain him from one form of mayhem or another.  My little boy!  He even said “Thank you, sir” to the parking attendant without prompting.

I saw a lot of highschool students today.  That has become a sort of scary experience for me at this age.  I mean,  I feel young.  Only about half of my friends have children.  Fewer than that own real-estate, a great number of them still socialize in the evenings… I am the same age or younger than most of the ‘young’ adults on prime time television shows.  This all falls to pieces when I am exposed to a large number of 16 year olds.

It is strange how things that used to be such a markers when I was young are just nothing these days.  I fought endlessly with my mother about things like unnatural hair color and piercings, etc.  She never wanted to be publicly known as the mother of the girl who did those things.  All of the kids do that now?? What does it even mean at this point?  I will stop now.  I sound like an old idiot.

One of my sister-in law’s friends died about a week and a half ago.  I couldn’t stop wondering how it was that she was doing this thing today after all of that.  I think back to being that age and everything is so big and meaningful.  I don’t want to ever repeat that phase of life. I lost a friend in highschool and I remember being stuck on the notion of mortality.  My friend died of anorexia and I remember not thinking that she would ever actually die.  I just sort of thought that it would work out like all of the ’special episodes’ of teenage dramas on television.  There would be some turning point and in the end we would all be so happy it was over and we had learned a valuable lesson about growing up… That is what happened when one of my friends took ten of her mother’s sleeping pills.  Her stomach was pumped in time and we all talked about it forever like it was some big thing that had happened in our lives.  Another friend hitchhiked alone with some lecherous, scary trucker while she was on a big Kerouac kick and I ended up getting so worried that I told my mom (who involved the police).  They found her mostly in tact but feeling sort of triumphant that she had truly endured some experiences that would actually damage her… but death?  I guess life really does suck, doesn’t it?  It is so profound to realize that for the first time.

The book I am reading is too sad.  The mood is sort of over extending itself into the time that I am not actually reading the book.  Damn you stupid, sad book.

My husband has gone back to see some final dives.  My son is in bed and I am actually ALONE??? How can that be?  I don’t think I have spent an evening sitting here by myself in ages!  I don’t know what to do!  I don’t want to read anything depressing.  I guess writing this entry is taking up some time, isn’t it?

I am trying to think of some non-sentimental or at least not so down-beat way to end this entry.  Tomorrow I am having dental work! Oh yeah! That will be fun.  Wait… Saturday my sister and I are taking a sort of random holiday.  Roller skating! Swimming!  I think it should be fun.  I feel so strange doing anything without my two guys.  I get this sort of separation anxiety… AAAAAHHHHH.

Okay, I am incapable of following a sun-shiney course here so I must exit.

is it a holiday?

Funny, a lot of people have the day off but my husband’s stupid employer doesn’t really think it is that sort of a day. Oh well, we had some hope there for a while. Now he is off into the rain with his little bag lunch. We always miss him on Monday morning. The little guy misses the ridiculous testosterone fun-fair that takes place over the weekend and I miss the ability to do things like sit and read books or paint my nails, etc. Actually, I don’t get to paint my nails on the weekend because they both complain that it stinks. What the hell am I talking about? Oh yeah, I miss Joe. We were all hoping to have some fun on this day.

Let me see- what is up? It is a shame that I am sort of morally bound to not discuss some details of my work (uhm, guests) because those are some of the most exciting stories I have ever had to tell. I can give you sort of choppy hints… no I guess not. I guess I can say that I befriended a tatooed, badass construction worker who has agreed to offer me a little off the record security in the middle of the night. I have been worried about that lately. I do not have much defense against someone just walking in and causing me harm at like 2a.m. Now I have a very intimidating person to call if my own ploys do not work. So far they have worked. Believe it or not I can be pretty tough.

In other me news: I finally made contact with a friend I had totally lost track of. It was sort of a freak combination of events that led to us losing touch: one marriage that didn’t happen, one that did, a lot of travel, phone disconnection, vengeful ex-boyfriends… but now we are in touch again and that causes the world to make a little more sense. It is funny: we met when were like 17. One of my friends became absolutely obsessed with her and was always going on about this girl he had met. When we finally met we could trash talk the boys a little (I don’t think I had a boyfriend I didn’t secretly hate until things cemented with my current husband) and learned we had a lot in common. She transferred to my university half way through my freshman year and we were TERRIBLE influences on each other. THE WORST- but she always served a super-great purpose for me: the back-up sanity friend. She was one of the only people who had actually seen where I was from. I could always say negative things about my life to her and she wouldn’t complain. I could escape from my disgusting mid-nineties stereotypical alternachick life and talk about other things: good books, good food, wine… whatever. She is cool.

She called and told me when she was stuck on some cruise and my then-boyfriend was sucking face with one of her friends. She drank through a penis straw at my bachelorette party in anticipation of a wedding that I backed out of. She was the person I called to disclose the fact that I didn’t really want to marry that guy. Then we lost touch… Life is starnge. Wait, maybe I should qualify that: my life is strange.

Anyhow- that sort of helped me through the funk that was last week. A lot of things are still in disorder but I am a bit more energetic and hating the world less each minute.

My computer crashed again and I just laughed!!!!! It is so funny how often I am betrayed by OBJECTS. Don’t they know that I could smash them? Burn them? Give them to my sister? Seriously!
Back to this rainy day now…

life is okay…

…even if so many things are not.  I know this starts like something I would have written when I was fifteen.  Sorry, it seems that is what I have been reduced to.  It has been a long last few days for me:  facing life or death for my only living grandmother who has taken a serious turn with her dementia, seeing my husband work his ass off only to tread water in this stupid economy, also seeing this man leave for work in a storm and eventually fly off of the road… I could go on but I won’t.  I would like to but a lot of things extend into a pool of things that are not mine to disclose to any degree.  Addiction, death, and misery that extends outside of my little apartment.

Anyhow- it is Valentines Day and my husband and I have once again exchanged the list of gifts that we have thought of giving each other but could not manage to at the present time.  I am not bitter about that at all… I actually thought it was quite sweet that he had actually considered the things he would like to get for me.   That means more to me than a quick stop to the nearest place he could get something in the nick of time sort of thing would mean.

I have to work tonight.  Actually, I am kind of looking forward to it.  The weather has been miserable and the little guy and I have been couped up.  It will be nice to, uhm, wear shoes and comb my hair and speak to adults with different last names than my own.  I look forward to it!  I hope to spend the next six hours having a little fun around here.  We have our little traditions.

I remember now that I was going to list some of the Valentines miseries I have endured in the past.  I think I had done that for some past blog I was keeping… like the time I was 16 and the way-too-cool-to-be-real guy stood me up for our too-good-to-be-true date (trust me, it was so My So Called Life, except like two years before that show was on the air), or the time that I was picked up for a date in a car that belonged to my then-boyfriend’s other girlfriend….  I know I just touched on it but I think this year I will avoid evaluating any past misery.

I have the luxury of being free of that sort of heartache these days.  I have been free of that for quite a while.  Sheesh, I have a wonderful person to live life with.

and hey… we haven’t given the industries that benefit from these ‘holidays’ a cent this year.  We have that to be proud of!

Happy V-Day.