my eye

(Enjoy my random videos in posts until I get sick of sticking them in to posts)

So- it is the same week as the last post?  It feels like it has been a couple of weeks!! It is August tomorrow– so how is it that the summer is going by so fast when weeks seem to last forever?

Maybe I need to start with the story of Tuesday night.

Tuesday must have been a good day- I think it is the day I posted last, right? The child and I played outside in bright, bright sun and came home and made a tent in the living room and played with his little grocery scanner and his heaps of little rubber food products.  Sort of a make-shift market- right? Tent, calculator, promo credit cards that say ‘your name could be here’, a little hand-held toy scanner that beeps quite loudly, grocery bags, a grocery basket…. you get the idea.   Anyway— fun, fun, fun- hot in the tent, though.  I got mascara in my eye…. maybe?

I started rubbing my eyes, it felt like I had something in the right eye… uh… I didn’t pay much attention to how itchy/stingy/teary it was becoming.  Instead I changed up and headed to the gym.  A quick glance at my face before heading in and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  The white part of my eye was swollen to an extent that my dinner returned to my mouth.  Gross enough for you?  I won’t go on with details.  It was just UTTERLY DISGUSTING.

And thanks to the fabulous format of this country that does nothing for young, working families who opt to manage their own childcare I HAVE NO INSURANCE. My husband wanted me to go to the emergency room anyhow but I opted instead to use drops, ice, and call any person who may have the slightest clue about what to do.

I am glad to report that I can now be looked at without any lunch being lost.  Lucky!  I talked to a pharmacist yesterday (well, a pharmacist that seemed to know a lot about first aid) and he urged me to 1) toss out my mascara! (no problem there) 2)wear an eye bandage at the beach, in the shower… etc, etc for a while.

I went to the beach yesterday with an eye covered.  I disguised it with sunglasses.  I also walked into a few things and lost my balance in the waves more than usual.

My husband has had a change in schedule.  He works Saturday mornings, which is a little rough since I get home from work at 7:30 Saturday morning and go back to work at 10:30 on Saturday night… but I will survive that.  The big payoff is that he gets a day off in the middle of the week.  It is the first day in ages that neither of us has worked on!

I think we squeezed a miniature vacation into one day.  No naps! Ug!! We killed that day!  I mean, grocery shopping and trip to the gym, showers… all over by 9 a.m. then it was running around outside followed by light lunch followed by hours and hours at the beach.  It was low-tide so my son fell into a pack of children who were collecting crabs (three types!).  He got a little sick of us (for the first time, really!) and did not want to leave.  I don’t know how to stress that (and this is on top of 45 minutes of cardio before 9 a.m.) my husband and I were running/swimming/chasing… on our feet or swimming, actively in motion in one way or another until 5:45 p.m.

After the beach I made rice vermicelli in tamarind broth with garlic pickle and pickled ginger and three kinds of greens, and grilled meat and… we ate too much.  We ate too much and drank too many wine spritzers.   We don’t usually ’spritz’ up our wine so we hardly felt that it would count as a real drink.  My son went to bed and I think we just collapsed from overload: sun/bun cha/wine/activity… singing?  Oh yes… also singing.

My son has taken a new interest in his keyboard.  He uses it one of two ways: he either sets the beat/fake drum and runs in circles for half an hour at a time or he sings loudly while playing his own compositions.  His compositions vary widely, as do their subject matter.  He fully expects any passerby to join in and sing with enthusiasm about whatever topic he has chosen.  Topics have so far included: baked beans, bonus features menus, soy sauce (and the saltiness of it), the beach, his Vans ™ vs. his old sneakers, no place like home (and that would be pirated content), bureaus (a favorite theme), and the ‘fancy cookie store” (a place of dreams, really, though it does exist.  Visit sometime! We will take you, readers).

I might lose my voice!!! No voice and an eye bandage??

i think i got too much sun this morning

My son is walking around talking about an ‘angry duck head’ and I am watching old videos on YouTube.

Man, Serge Gainsbourg is(well, was)  so cool.

Regina in good bloom!!

an uplifting Patti Smith, why not?

I always liked this song, though it infuriates me a bit- I am no one’s night nurse!!! Nobody’s!! Go see a damn doc, Gregory!

hmm… well… I used to love this song when I was younger– but, uh, yeah-’she too short, me too tall’ how about ’she virgin and me a slut’ (well, I assume he is no virgin, right?) Okay- no more politics.

The world/time/history/life is cruel. Why did France Gall get to sing that song at Eurovision? I mean, she kills it, yes- but ME, why was I not there/then???

also not fair! So now Arcade Fire and Belle and Sebastian have covered it– within a few years of each other… now I cannot put together a band to cover my little anthem!!! Screw all y’all… I must find a different song!

speaking of covers- I think this is my favorite cover of anything ever- I love Shonen Knife

this is a close second! I mean, who can cover Nirvana? Cibo Matto Can!! I still listen to “Viva La Woman” like three times a month! That is one of the best albums ever, I think.

Je danse le mia!! My brother and I were like a two person IAM North American cult following for a couple of months in like 1994 or something:) This video looks so old now!

So does this one (except that it really, really is). A few months ago we were in the car and my mp3 player played this and my husband was like “What is this song?” and I was like “You never listened to Kate Bush?” and he looked at me so blankly….. well… who the hell is he??? Right? Right Kate Bush fans? We know who we are!!!!!

he gives me the same look about the above, but you know what? Whatever!!!

we will forever have this video- which we both love. We saw them shortly after they made this!!!

Thanks for indulging me today. Sun stroke and music!!! Yeah!!!!

a new week, a new pile of good intentions

I think those pics were from Saturday.  Weekends are a very long blur of attempted naps, short outings, bleariness, and long nights with cranky guests (work).  Hmm.  I crash into my deep, drool-y sleep on Sunday night with a head full of hope for the next morning.  Monday is when I start again- drag my tired and achy self out of bed and attempt to start the week with my best foot forward- in all arenas.  Eat right, go running, clean things (all and any), get the bills out (Monday morning is bill pay time), save money, take care of business, plan fun things for the tot, read all the news I missed over the weekend, start new books… just everything.

This past weekend went better than some.  We have had a bit of a schedule change that was a little hard to adjust to (my husband had to work Saturday morning) but luckily my sister accompanied us to our local cafe of choice.  I was tired so I hardly noticed that she was giving my son gelato for breakfast.  I guess that was my first thought forward into this week: fruit and veggie heavy, no ice-cream… Work was hectic but not much different than it ever is.  I am getting good at putting up with people and their ridiculous whims.  Have I ranted before about middle-aged upper-middle class white people yet?  Maybe I shouldn’t do that.  Another goal for the new week: try not to pigeonhole upper middle aged, upper-class white people… right?  Oops.

I came home from work yesterday and got a brief (2 hour) nap in before heading out to view, uhm, a movie.  What movie?  Well, unless you have seen it and have had the same response I chose to withhold that information.  The ladies I viewed this movie with were also hypnotized by the singing and the dancing and the colors, etc.  I woke up this morning thinking about how maybe I need a little more of that sort of thing these days.  More singing and dancing.  More colors.  I am still planning on painting the apartment.  Happy music blasts most of the day around here.  Maybe I need to see more musical theater/movies.  This goes against a lot of what people believe to be true about me, for some reason.  Maybe I mislead people.  I am happy and bubble-y, I swear I am!!

We did have another death in the family this weekend.  This one was foreseen and, though he was someone I knew my whole life, someone I was not very close to.  My parents must be immediately known to everyone who works at the hospital and the funeral home where they live.  What a year!!  I don’t know what sort of resolve that shot into this week.  I have given the fact that a whole generation of my family has become extinct.  I suppose I need to make sure I take care of the treasures I got from them.  Its all kind of strange.  I have no “great”(the prefix)-anythings left on one side of my family.  Dismal business, this… so unlike a frolic-y musical.

So it is Monday afternoon.  We played outside for a few hours this morning.  I ate old fashioned oats and dried pineapple for breakfast.  I ran a couple of errands, paid a couple of bills… I think we are off to a start of some kind.  I can’t remember what is supposed to happen this week.  Maybe we have no plans?  Yes! That is it!! I have ZERO THINGS PLANNED this week.  How can that be? I just don’t know!  I have to make good use of that!  Clean? So boring! Maybe the child and I can have some amazing day trip.  Any suggestions?  Wow- a week and no one is visiting and I have not promised to do one thing with/for anyone.  Run? Clean? Beach? Hmm. I am not even sure what I will do with the rest of this day!

cilantro hummus

Not  recipe.  I am just eating it and it is damn good.  I always mean to have a recipe blog going.  Maybe I just need to add more facets to this blog.  Maybe, maybe not.  Maybe I need to spend less time on this lovely macbook- the macbook has changed me, I think.

So today it should rain. The tot and I do need to step out and get a couple of things done.  I think I need bread and if you think I am one of those foodies who makes her own bread you would be wrong.  I do make bread: about twice a year.  I like to do, but I don’t want to have to do it when there are many fine bakeries in the area who need the revenue and make the bread very well.

I will not be making bread today.  Today I will probably be reading while my son runs circles around me.  We have a tent to pitch inside and that is usually how things end up- me: lying on my stomach reading in the places he directs me to sit.  He is very big on control these days.  I don’t really mind so much.  We also have file box of animal fact cards to sift through.  I am sure I will end up with animal cards all over the place, but that is a risk I am willing to take.

Do I have news? I probably do, this is the year of sickness and death after all.  I have been slightly superstitious about talking about it.  I probably know better than to be superstitious but on the off chance that there is anything to it I will maintain a bit of reverence about recent bad luck.  I mean, I have lost a couple of family members, my mom has cancer, and couple of my friends have had some interesting blows- that is enough for now, right?

So speaking of friends and bad luck, etc: I was asked to go see a psychic/metaphysical practitioner of some sort in the area.  I think he runs like a school or something around here- they advertise on the Sci-Fi network or something.  A lovely person I know wants me to go, too and see how this person sorts things out, etc, etc.  I kind of said ‘no’.  Again, my weird reverence for fate.  I don’t want to be trifled with by scam artists nor do I actually want to know anything if indeed a person is capable of knowing.  Why hear the bad news now?  Let me live like I have 50 healthy productive years for goodness sake.  Its not like I am looking for love and the question of how many children I will have when I grow up has pretty much been answered.  Money?  Well, whatever.  I think I have figured out the secret to financial fortune: save, suffer, work too hard.  The people who come into money the lucky way are few and probably lose it pretty fast.

I am such a downer!  Anyway, I went to see a psychic once before.  I had this roommate one summer in college who was a member of some strange group.  I don’t remember exactly what they believed in but they did psychic readings (and slept outside naked and performed rituals that involved killing small furry things in the basement, I kid you not.  I think the guy teaches high school French in the mid-west now.).  I had a reading done and it was eerily dead on…. at the time.  I was told that I would end up marrying a man whose name began and ended with a vowel.  At the time I had just got out of a relationship with on and had some messy tryst with another man who both had names that began and ended with vowels!!! How could they tell?  The thing is?  I didn’t marry either of them!! I married JOE, Joseph, to be exact.  Maybe my roommie gave the guy a few pointers.  The psychic went on about a few more things that were on the mark: a dead relative had left me something that I didn’t know about (unfortunately it turned out to be camp furniture), I would have financial difficulties in the next few years (not hard to see if he had known that I had just maxed out three credit cards and had gone through a seriously expensive break-up), and that I should lay off the booze, etc (I was 21).  I don’t know.  Pretty easy target to hit.

Not that I don’t think that there are people who know things.  I was kind of shocked by that “America’s Psychic Challenge” show.  I saw it at 2a.m. at work with a couple of drunk guests.

How did I get on to this topic?  Oh yeah, I don’t know if I want to see a psychic…. not so much because I am a kill-joy skeptic, more because I don’t want to hear bad news… and maybe partially because I am really not in the mood to be toyed with these days.  If someone thinks they have something important to tell me they should tell me out of the kindness of their heart (if it is seriously important).  Sorry pal!

What else… I am babysitting tonight.  It has been a long time since I watched a child that is not my own!  Being a mom every day I don’t think I will be out of practice, right?

It is not as miserable outside as I thought it would be.  I suppose I will take a shower and put on some not pajama-esque clothing and take the child for a walk.  Maybe we can go eat something I will have to burn off later.  That sounds fun.

Oh wait, I already had cilantro hummus for breakfast!!!

foggy, rainy, hazy

This is my second attempt at an entry in the past few hours. I wrote a really nutso one about an hour or so and ended up deleting it. To summarize: a detailed story about a random week a few years ago. I haven’t had much sleep at all, I tend to start reminiscing very vividly as I listen to my mp3 player. Some weekends it is wise to stay away from music altogether. Weekends like this it is very possible certain songs will put me over the edge one way or another: I could opt to dress up and dance all over the place or curl up in a ball and cry for some stupid injustice the world heaped on me a few years ago.

So it is raining.  I am laying across my bed in front of my lap top and my son keeps coming in and dancing on my kidneys.  I had pictures to post of my night out on the town with my lovely man but there is something messed up with the images on wordpress today.  I could sleep but I have this notion that if I stay awake for another hour I can enjoy a glass of wine out on the deck in the rain… lovely, right?  Lovelier than falling asleep in front of a syndicated episode of “Two and a Half Men” or some infomercial about a sandwich press.  I mean, I could have wine now, I could not turn on the television… but… its complicated and I don’t feel like explaining.

It occurred to me a moment ago that I have no idea what I am doing this week.  Last week was quite full.  I haven’t even grocery shopped or put away the laundry.  Its a blank week!!! I think I am babysitting for friends (we worked out a baby sitting exchange… we trade out one adult every few weeks to watch a tot for free so we can enjoy something like adult couple life out-of-the-house sort of things), I, uh… yeah.

I don’t even know what the weather is supposed to be like this week.  I haven’t even checked up on the weather!! That is not like me.  I am listening to Tom Waits.  I don’t know what prompted that.  It is making me feel a million times more tired.  My head seems to be made of lead.

I just need to make it to that glass of wine.  That is why I am writing here.  I am filling in time with clickety-clacking at my computer.  It will stop me from getting sentimental.

I was seeing little dark shadows darting around in the kitchen!  Next week will be different…. next week will be different!

fried chow mein noodles or frozen mac & cheese?

Yes, these are the choices presented to me in the breakroom tonight.  I usually bring sushi with me but I decided to save a little cash and see what I could scavange.  Looks grim. 

I am at work!!! Yes, every other entry seems to be trudging away in the middle of the night.  That is alright, right?  Last night was a DISMAL DISASTER of a shift.  Power outage?  Major appliances broken? Internet offline? Just about everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong.  I am looking forward to smooth sailing tonight.  I don’ t know: listen to some podcasts while I tidy up and look congenial.  I love nights like this.  Well, I would rather sleep, to be honest-

I was supposed to get this fabulous day of peace and sleep today but for some reason (and I imagine this can’t actually be what she was doing) my neighbor decided to do something that sounded a lot like tossing bowling balls down the stairs.  She also locked herself out a few times and rang the doorbell repeatedly.  My day of sleep turned into a day of tossing and turning in front of a losing Red Sox game. 

My mother was with us for the week.  It went very well.  My son worships the woman.  Seriously, he acts on her every whim.  Every whim that does not involve the potty chair.  My mom was here and we got to go on a date!  Crazy!  We never leave the house alone, together! Never!   We did this in two parts: first fancy little Italian restaurant, next: beer and music.  Fun!  Too bad it was so humid. 

Suddenly I am out of things to say.  Suddenly I feel like I must cut this short and get back to work!!!!  People need directions to where they can buy some last minute beer! 

Good night!

clean the house

My mother is coming tomorrow and will be staying with us for the rest of the week.  Too bad I have been so distracted at the beach… uhm… I meant to get things done over a reasonable period of time.  It looks like I will be getting a lot of things done today.  I really want the woman to believe in the lemon fresh, public radio (well, I actually do have public radio on most of the time I am home lately) listening, sparkling, and well organized show I plan to put on for her.  It’s not really a show- it is just how things would be in here if: 1) I didn’t work any overnight shifts, 2) we didn’t have thing to do outside of the house (uhm: beaches, playgrounds, ‘the coffee store’, etc) 3) we didn’t have a three-year old.

Whatever.  I think my mom knows that my stove-top usually has a little evidence of the last meal cooked on it.  Its not like I have dishes piled in the sink or anything.

Hmm.  As I write this the day is starting a little more quickly than I had anticipated.  My husband is no longer swearing at the hot water in the shower and my son is no longer singing about Halloween (its always a good time of year to do that, right?).  I suppose I need to stop hear and get the little person to the park so I can come back and put a spit shine on this old place.

Oh yeah, pics of the beach (poor quality because they are from my phone) where we have been spending all of our free time.  Yes!

this made my sleepy morning

This

A blog of a third-shifter who found my blog!!  I am not the only one click-clacking away in the dark pondering how it is that I am doing what I do.

i think i am thinking

!!!!

Sleep~~ I need it!!! I keep kind of staring off for a minute or five or ten and not even realizing it.  I am at work, dammit!! I need my edge back.   I keep thinking “maybe I will watch the television in the lobby for a second”, or “maybe I will sit here for a second or something”.  Yeah.  I have stuff to do.  This entry is probably not making any sense at all, is it?  Why do I update?  I guess it is interesting to leave a little trail of words behind me as I trudge from week to week.  It is (very mildly) amusing to look back and see how time has passed, correct?

I can’t wait to sleep in the morning!! I can’t stop thinking about it.  I will go home- drink a GIANT GLASS OF WATER (I always start there), turn on the fan in my room, close the drapes, stick something in the dvd player with the commentary on and just let it happen.  I think I will wake up, eat a snack, go to the beach… AH.  Come home… make strawberry shortcake? Play with the Joes big and small, put the little one to bed and have a lovely tequila-y drink- watch a movie?  Sundays are heavenly, I think.

I don’t know what I am writing right now. 

Oh yeah- me and catering and some culinary schooling— looks like it will happen.  I find myself doing things lately: waking up and making mayonaise a new way, poaching eggs for fun, thinking about things I want to do with ginger…  it has become a bit of a madness.  I obessessed a little bit about having some friends over for dinner.  What to make? How many courses? Will it weird them out if there are a lot of courses? 

Am I actually writing this?

It has been a mixed week.  Very good, very bad.  We spent some time at the beach- first just me and the Joes then later in the week with friends.  I love the beach.  I love it.  LOVE IT.  I don’ t care if the ocean is freezing.  I don’t care if I don’t look as good in my bathing suit as I had planned to.   I am trying to convince my son that there is no feeling like freezing one’s tush off in the waves.  I am sure he will come around some day.

The bad news?  A family member diagnosed with a serious illness.  2008 has already exceeded its allowance of deaths and illnesses and other bad news.  The last few years were full of births and weddings, I guess life gets balanced out, right?  Almost everyone I know is now married.  Half of everyone I know has reproduced- I guess it was time for the other sorts of news?  It is never a good time for that.

In other news: a lot of people have recently decided to visit in a relatively short period of time.  People I haven’t seen in a very long time.  People coming from far away.  Why am I stressed about this?  I am stressed because I am a ninny.  I think we do just fine in our little apartment with our relatively a-materialistic existence.  Why do I feel a slight panic when richer friends from my past show up?  I guess I don’t want them to feel sorry for me?  I don’t want them to feel superior to me?  I think it is the latter.  I have many friends who have opted to live a simpler sort of existence in lieu of financing their futures.  It is smarter in the long run.  Sure, we could have a house… but we don’t want to finance one!  I don’t know why it bothers me what anyone thinks.  Probably because I have friends who say what they think.  I keep trying to move past them but I never know how to do that.  I just feel like crap about myself and whine about it to my husband until he can’t stand to hear it anymore.   I am sure he is looking forward to all of that.

Ug.  I need to get to work.  On a final note: I really want someone to see ‘Mama Mia’ with me.  Who will do that?  Not my husband.  None of my friends seem to care. Am I so pathetic?  I didn’t say it would be an awesome movie, I just want to see it!  It won’t be “Muriel’s Wedding” or anything- nah, I didn’t even see the musical.  I am just saying that a 32 year old mom should be able to find someone to go to a damn movie with without having to justify (and this is not aimed at my hubby, he is exempt because I do not want to pay for childcare to see a movie) it or assure the person accompanying that it will be an excellent movie.  That doesn’t help anyway.  No one wanted to see “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly” with me. 

I need to work.

like the week wasn’t challenging enough

My child is hot and for some reason believes this is my fault.

Oh yeah, our oven is dead. We have one working burner and nothing going on inside. I used a counter top grill last night to grill tofu but, uh… yeah. I will keep calling the landlord until I get a response. In the meantime it is like a little ‘Top Chef’-esque challenge, right? “Cook a healthy and interesting meal each night for a week or so without the use of a range….” Yeah, I am up to it. Thankfully this happened on a hot week when we were probably going to have salads all week anyway.

Before I worked the night shift I was NEVER ill. Now I can’t seem to shake things. I have a lousy cough and a spinny head. Just thought I would get that complaint in, too.

Also my son has been getting up between four and five a.m.

AND I have been working out a lot and am really quite sore.

There- I complained. I feel better? Nah. I am too sticky and wheeze-y to feel any sort of real relief.