overnight with a sad-sack

Staying up all night when one is in a kind of miserable mood is not advise-able.  I truly tried to make the best of it.

Things I thought about today:

-The letter I got in the mail from my insurance company informing me that the surgery I am having is a lot more dangerous than my doctor let on

-two separations: one on both sides (my side, my husband’s side) of our family… not just the immediate issues involved: I keep feeling sad at the notion that we may be loosing two family members- sort of the same way I lose friends to this big abyss (only to re-surface later on Facebook) I started crying today when I heard that my son and his uncle had the same shoes on.

-Oh yeah, I haven’t had much sleep

-the fact that my brother got out of surgery alone this week (yes, brother and I both have broken insides at the same time.  He has an umbilical hernia) when I was perfectly free to drive him to and from… Why didn’t I think of it at the time?

-money

-it still bugs me that someone in our family was murdered.  I mean- it sort of casts a weird shadow over a period of time

-last year at this time my grandmother passed away sort of unexpectedly and I could not get to the funeral.  I think about that a lot.  She passed away the week before our annual visit.

SO. so.  so.

I stood around talking to a Chinese food delivery guy.  I talk to him every weekend.  He takes solace in our lobby after driving around in the rain delivering to scary places across town where he walks in on drug packaging, porn filming, child abuse… nothing to see here but weary business travelers and families with cranky, over-travelled kids.  Not exactly dangerous- anyway- I like hearing his stories.

I need to perk up!

It is raining and this might actually work out for me.  It will force my guys to stay inside when I am too tired to go out and about with them.  I envision this day of cuddling and movie or bad television watching.  Scratch the television watching thing.  My son does not let us watch television anymore.  Strange, but true.   The only show he wholly endorses is Jeopardy.

I need a birthday party.  Too bad my birthday is in October. Too bad I can’t eat cake!  I need a really big cocktail and a hug.  I feel guilty saying this because i cannot justify hogging and hugs or cocktails when people I know are having worse days.

UG!

Oh well, back to work.   I guess I can look forward to talking to ‘drops of the newspapers guy’ or ‘cabbie that comes in for coffee before he takes guests to the airport guy’.  It is me, them, and the Chinese delivery guy. Yup.